simply me...

Can I just be real with you?  It’s not about the number for me.  Most women find their self-esteem and worth in a number.  That “perfect” body weight and shape.  My hopes and dreams were crushed after having 2 kids sixteen months apart… that original “perfect” figure as a young adult did NOT come back to me!

Finally ....

Then “IT” happened… I got sick (autoimmune disease) and the weight fell off.  The only problem was that I wasn’t well enough to enjoy it.  Yes, I was the “perfect” weight, but I was skin and bones, pale, and sickly looking.  Not the idea of the “picture perfect” dream I had in mind.

When I was sick

My weight went up and down over the years following my initial diagnosis.  With side-effects from medication and flare ups of symptoms (that randomly popped back up on me), I had no special number when it came to weight and size.  My garage has been consistently filled with totes of a variety of sizes for each season.  It was a surprise to see what I would actually be able to wear from year to year.

Okay with ME

I had to settle on the fact that I would rather be healthy and heavy than sick and skinny.  It’s what is on the INSIDE that matters.  I needed to become comfortable in my own skin.  I learned something about myself over the years.  True beauty lies within.  It is not the reflection of my IMAGE in the mirror that I need to be concerned about, but the reflection of my HEART.

1 Samuel 16:7 says…

“…The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (NLT)

Whose definition am I living by?

It is SO hard to get past the image before us.  When it doesn’t measure up to the world’s standards of beauty, it feels like we have missed the mark.  But, if we think about it, the world and God have very different definitions of beauty.

The world measures beauty by appearances.  It’s all about the “perfect” size, body, shape, hair texture, skin color, etc… Even when you think they have found the “perfect” specimen for the ideal woman, they still touch up pictures to erase any imperfections.  What the world hasn’t realized yet is that NOBODY is perfect.

I may NEVER be that “ideal” size or weight, but I have to be okay with that.  I have to learn to simply be me….ME with God on the inside… molding me and shaping me to look more like HIS image each day.  I am not suggesting a license to be lazy.  By all means if you CAN, get out there and exercise and eat right.  Healthy is the goal.  My healthy may not be the same as others.  Sometimes exercising can make me worse… drains me of my energy, but I do what I can.

Who cares?

Do you know what else I have learned about myself?  I CARE too much about what people think.  I don’t want any record (pictures) of when I was too big or too small.  I guess I have wanted to avoid any reminder of my “ugly” days… nobody can see them, because why?  I haven’t figured that one out yet.  Maybe they would think LESS of me.  But I guess those who know me love me no matter what size I am.  Now that I think about it, maybe it’s an image problem.  I am too focused on MY image and less on HIS image shining through me. 

What does God see when HE looks at me?  Not what I see when I look in the mirror.  He sees greatness.  He sees potential.  He sees royalty.  God sees deep within underneath all of my insecurities to my heart.  


I’m SO glad God doesn’t judge us by our appearances, but by our hearts otherwise we may never measure up.  Beauty is NOT found in a number unless you are looking at…

Proverbs 31:30 which says…

“Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the Lord should be praised.” (GNT)

True Beauty radiates from the heart…  Take another look in the mirror and try to see what God sees.  YOU are beautiful my friend!

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie