Life Lessons & Legacy

My husband turned forty recently. It was a big event for him. He has been dreading it for years. I don’t know why. I guess it’s a natural time to re-evaluate your life and see how you’ve done. I knew he wasn’t looking forward to it, so I wanted to go out of my way to make his birthday special and some how soften the blow for him.

With that said, I decided to make him a special memory book. What better way to see all of what you have accomplished! I wanted him to see first hand the lives he had impacted and to hear it personally from those he had touched all along the way. The whole project took three months to send out messages, gather notes, and put it all together. I was amazed at the response. There were birthday wishes, thank you’s, and lots of funny stories. Some responses were short and lighthearted while others were long and purposeful. They all were so encouraging!

My husband’s response as he opened it was unforgettable! He was shocked and couldn’t believe his eyes. What was this? How did I get all of these people to write him? His high school friends too? He was overwhelmed. He began to read immediately and was swallowed up into the book. He read it from beginning to end… laughing, smiling, and tearing up. It was powerful. He said it was the best present ever. His life’s impact wrapped up in a book. I think I was touched just as deeply as he.


This is what he posted on his Facebook status reflecting back on it all…

It was the most amazing gift she could have given me as I reflect over the last forty years. It was a huge reminder that the most important things in life are those that we share life with. Thank you to all of you who took the time to share memories, stories, and words of encouragment with me. You ALL are a part of my story and I am who I am today because of each of you. THANK YOU!!

As I look back over the last forty years I see lots of highs and lots of lows, but what I truly see is a life well lived. I have some regrets, some missed opportunities, and some curves in the road that I never expected, but what I see most clearly are all of you. What I see are my amazing wife and incredible sons. What I see are the people who have loved me, challenged me, cheered for me, shared with me, corrected me, pushed me, amazed me, and laughed with me. This is the essence of my last forty years and you all are what has made this journey incredible....thank you.

I am the compilation of all of the lives that have touched me and that I have touched and when I compare that to the few troubles and trials......I am well pleased with the first forty years of my life. I thank God for his incredible blessings. I do not take them for granted. I am truly looking forward to my next forty years!!!

The other night we spent some time as a family talking and sharing about the upcoming year. Daddy discussed his memory book and how it had touched his life. He even read some excerpts from it. He explained how it inspired him to live for eternity now. What did he want others to say about him after he died? In order to make that a reality, he had to live that way today! The boys shared how they wanted others to see them and their goals of who they wanted to become this year. It was precious.

Not only did daddy talk about living for eternity, he also talked about leaving a legacy. Passing on what God has done in us to others and letting it spread. What a concept! It’s a domino effect. Be today what you want others to become tomorrow. Many of the notes in his memory book were from students from our many years of ministry as youth pastors. It was incredible to see how much they have grown and what they are doing now to make a difference in their world for God. We’ve had a part in that. We took what God did in us and passed it on to them, who are passing it on now to others.

One excerpt from a student said this…“I owe the greatest part of my success as a leader of this nations finest young men and women (Navy) to your own dedication and leadership of each one of those young souls you cared for like we were your own children. God bless you! Your influence has grown farther than you could possibly imagine. I thank you, my wife thanks you, and my children thank you for helping me find out what it means and looks like to be a man of God.”

Wow… my kids were inspired! They couldn’t believe all of the lives that were touched and changed. They want to make a difference in their world for God. Watch out world, my boys are going to tear it up for Jesus!

What about you? Who do you want to become in 2012? What do you want others to say about you? Who do you want to touch and impact for God? Live for eternity today! Dream big my friend. God has amazing things in store for you. I hope you are ready. 2012 here we come!

Living to leave a legacy!
Julie

Perfectly Imperfect

With the New Year fast approaching, I’m becoming a little introspective as the rest of the world I suppose. I have been hearing lots of New Year’s verbage lately such as… resolutions, goals, quitting bad habits, starting new habits, and making fresh starts. Each New Year promises to bring positive changes for us all or at least we hope it does.

The biggest resolution I hear about most is losing weight and getting in shape. Maybe that is because I work at a fitness center. I work in the children’s area so I am expecting to see first hand floods of children being dropped off come January. The place will be filled with masses of people working toward their goal of the “ideal” weight and shape.

I read an article recently while in a waiting room about “How to look your best in your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s.” It sounded interesting. As I read on I learned about the pressure Hollywood puts on actresses to look “perfect” for the world. The ladies interviewed described that they felt most comfortable when they had no make up on, their hair was out of place, and they were dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. That definitely isn’t the picture that is presented on the red carpet for everyone to see.

The world’s view of beauty is an image of perfection and Barbie is their model for inspiration. I watched a video recently that tore into this whole idea. Check it out below…

Check out this great MSN video: Barbie’s 39” bust, 18” waist stir body-image debate

Nobody is perfect. Computer programs have been developed to try to present the perfect image, but it doesn’t come close to reality. It can erase our imperfections; take twenty pounds off, darken skin tones, remove blemishes, and even change the color of our eyes. The goal is to somehow present a better image than what was given. The problem with this is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The idea of images of models, actors, and actresses needing “touched up” implies that nobody is perfect. Even Hollywood needs help looking pretty.

Have you ever felt imperfect? ...Overweight or underweight, too short or too tall, the wrong hair color, skin color, or body shape. It’s hard to be comfortable with ourselves in a Ken and Barbie world. Feeling “not good enough” can consume us, as we compare ourselves to Hollywood’s version of beautiful or handsome. The only problem with our measuring scales is that we can never measure up to that kind of beauty.

I have had to learn over the years to become “comfortable in my own skin.” My health problems have had the potential to affect my self-esteem in a negative way. With all of the medication I am on and the side-effects they have, there is no possible way I could ever measure up to Hollywood. My weight and shape change from day to day. At one point I had a variety of totes of different sizes of clothes in my garage. Not knowing which size I would fit into each season, I wanted to be prepared. I’ve had to learn that it’s not what’s on the outside that matters, but what I look like on the inside. The Bible says in I Samuel 16:7…
“People look at the outside of a person, but the LORD looks at the heart." (NCV)

We can become so obsessed with our outward appearance and what people may think about us, that our definition of true beauty becomes distorted. Beauty to us can become not eating or purging to become that perfect size. It could mean working out 24/7 to have huge muscles and that chiseled six pack. Or it could be having the perfect shade of skin and the right color of hair. That may be your idea of beauty, but God has a different opinion of you.

Psalm 139:13-16 says…
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.” (NCV)

God made us just the way we are on purpose. He likes your hair color, eye color, skin tone, and personality. He loves your voice, your freckles, and your laugh. He loves you… for YOU! As you are preparing to make New Years resolutions for the upcoming year, make it your goal to become beautiful inside first. Learn to become comfortable in your own skin. It fits you well! I pray your new year will be filled with exciting possibilities and incredible adventures.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

Is God blessing me or punishing me?

Check out this video I shared recently at a Ladies Retreat. I pray it encourages you as you listen. God is BIGGER than any circumstance you may face. He specializes in turning bad situations around to bring about something good. Trust Him with the details of your life today!

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

No Record of Wrongs

Have you ever offended someone? Have you said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, or simply made choices that others disagreed with and it somehow offended them? I am honest enough to say I have done it. My intentions are never to offend others, but it happens inevitably at times. Sometimes we can offend without even realizing it and other times it is obvious to everyone.

Have careless words from others ever wounded your heart? Maybe it was words spoken by a spouse, friend, sibling, parent, or an authority figure. It seems like those closest to us can leave the deepest wounds in our hearts. What did you do with that offense? Did you stew over it, hold on to it as your “precious,” give the cold shoulder and avoid that person, or let go of it?

In the past I’ve been a person that was easily offended. I’ve learned now that holding on to an offense will rob me blind and lead me to places I never intended to go if I let it. Holding on to that offense, only hurts YOU in the end. Offense left alone will grow and fester like an infected wound. It will cause you to become a bitter, angry person who looks nothing like the person who first faced that offense in the beginning.

An offense is choosing to place a “fence” up in your lives to keep people out. My husband is the most forgiving person I know. He has told me several times in our marriage when I was offended with him that “if you are offended, it’s because you have offense in you.” Good reminder. Who have we placed the fence up in our hearts and lives to keep out?

I read a good book in the past that really opened my eyes to this called "The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere. It really helped me see how I had put unrealistic expectations on people that they had no idea about. They could never measure up in my eyes and I never gave anyone the benefit of the doubt. My first thought was negative and the worst case scenario. I learned that it wasn’t fair to do that to others. If the tables were turned, I would never want that to be thought of me.

Why do we do it? Why do we choose to hold on to offense? I remember one night seeing what I was doing in a picture in my mind. It was as if I was a prison guard and each person that had offended me was locked up in their own cell with me holding the keys. The problem was that I was the ONLY one allowed to guard them and be in possession of the keys that held their freedom.

As I began to pray and ask God to search my heart, He convicted me of my behavior. My passion to punish those who offended me was paralyzing my ability to be used by God. My life was consumed with retribution. God convinced me that He would do a better job at that than I could. He wanted the keys and He wanted to transfer ALL the prisoners I was holding into His capable hands. The day I gave the keys to God was the day I was set free from years of offense. What a feeling! I felt lighter inside… the burden I was carrying was GONE.

I can’t say that it’s been easy since then. Habits were formed, but God is bigger. I am LESS likely to choose to be offended now, because I’m not willing to pay the price to hold on to that offense. I like to choose to give the “gift” of the benefit of the doubt to others. It’s the gift I would like to receive from them.

What do you do when you are offended? Are you are “record keeper” or a “gift giver”? Record keepers keep track of how they have been wronged or how others have “failed” them. They keep a mental list to track any person that has ever offended them. Gift givers give freely the gift of the “benefit of the doubt” and a second chance. They have learned that life is short and it’s not worth holding on to an offense. How do you want to respond the next time you are offended?

I Corinthians 13:4-6 says…
“Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.” (GNT)

Choose to show love to others by letting go of offenses and loving them unconditionally. No matter what the offense, let God have the keys to the prison doors you have locked them up inside. We need to trust that He knows what is best for them! God always has your best interest at heart. It’s not easy, but it’s always worth it.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

Under Lock and Key

God has been really weighing on my heart lately the desire to help others build healthy marriages. So many people are tossing in the towel and giving up on the “love” of their lives after years of commitment. Why do they do it? There are many reasons given, but regardless of those don’t let the next marriage to fail be yours. If we believe God can heal hearts and lives, we have to believe God can heal broken marriages too. I dare you to trust your life and marriage to God. He specializes in making something beautiful out of brokenness.

I will be touching on this topic quite a bit in the upcoming posts. I want to give you some resources to help you set healthy boundaries to protect your life and marriage. These were given out at a youth ministry retreat we helped with years ago. There are practical ideas listed below for men and women. I pray this helps you begin the process of protecting or restoring your marriage.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie


FOR MEN

Keep everything in the LIGHT!
L – live above reproach (become a person of integrity)
I – imagine life differently if you acted on your impulses
G – guard your heart (from sin)
H – humble yourself (find some accountability partners)
T – talk openly with God and your spouse


The cost of giving into your impulses is not worth it!
1. lose respect for yourself
2. lose the respect of your spouse & children
3. loss of ministry credentials
4. lose your ministry position
5. lose the respect of your church

When you are tempted to give in to temptation, ask yourself the following questions:

What consequences could I face by acting on this now?
What could I lose?
How will this affect my future?
Is it worth it?
Who could I ask to help me prevent this from happening again?


PROTECT YOURSELF

1. Stay connected with God

2. Stay connected with your spouse

3. Find some accountability partners

4. Never be alone with the opposite sex

Meetings - have them with the door open, or in an area where you can be seen or interrupted.

Rides home - don’t give the opposite sex a ride home alone, take someone with you.

*Make sure all of your leaders know not to leave the church until all the kids are gone so you aren’t left alone with anyone.

5. Steer students of the opposite sex with unhealthy attachments to you, to your spouse or another adult leader of the same sex

6. No two-handed chest to chest hugs with the opposite sex
(One arm side hugs ONLY)

7. No extended times online with the opposite sex

8. Keep your computer in a public place where you can be interrupted

9. Make time limits for yourself when it comes to free time spent on the computer online

10. Find and install accountability or filtering software to protect your computer and to guard your integrity


FOR WOMEN

1. Be supportive & encouraging to your husband
(Or someone else will)

2. Make your house a “home”
(Your home needs to be a place of refuge for your husband not another battle ground)

3. Communication is the key
(It is the life line of a marriage)

-take time to clarify (nobody ever catches the hints dropped)
-openly share your feelings (there is no room for guessing)
-watch your tone (how you say it makes a difference)
-timing is everything (when and where you share makes all the difference)
-learn to listen (hear his side with out reacting)
-learn to accept your part in any disagreements

4. Keep your marriage alive
(Don’t let the romance die!)

-keep flirting, holding hands, hugging, sending notes, etc…
-find what says “I love you” to your spouse
-start each day out by saying “I love you”
-do something for your spouse that he could do for himself
-go along to get along on occasion (compromise)
-learn to look through your husbands eyes

5. Win his heart and turn his head
(Work to keep him turned toward you)

-keep your husbands attention (do new things like when you were dating)
-take care of yourself (hair, make-up, dress, etc…)
-if you don’t win his heart and turn his head someone else will

6. Protect your treasure
(Realize what a treasure you have in your husband)

-be thankful for what you have
-imagine life with out him
-help protect the gift God has given you

Internet (put your computer in a public place, get a filter)

Help keep him from being alone with the opposite sex (be sensitive)

Stay intimate so he won’t be tempted sexually

Stay connected spiritually (Don’t keep your relationships with God hidden)

Carry each others burdens (create a safe place to share struggles with out judgment)


7. Guard your heart
(Strive to keep your heart tender towards God)

-confess, ask forgiveness, and turn from sin on a regular basis
-wash in the word daily (allow God’s word to cleanse you of sin)
-learn to forgive and forget the past (when it comes to others)
-stay connected to God by talking to Him on a regular basis
-take time to listen to God and allow Him to direct your steps
-choose to continue to grow in God
-choose to avoid criticism, comparing, bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy, etc… from dwelling in your heart
-don’t allow yourself to be put in a position to fail
-reserve your heart for God and your husband alone