God has been really weighing on my heart lately the desire to help others build healthy marriages. So many people are tossing in the towel and giving up on the “love” of their lives after years of commitment. Why do they do it? There are many reasons given, but regardless of those don’t let the next marriage to fail be yours. If we believe God can heal hearts and lives, we have to believe God can heal broken marriages too. I dare you to trust your life and marriage to God. He specializes in making something beautiful out of brokenness.
I will be touching on this topic quite a bit in the upcoming posts. I want to give you some resources to help you set healthy boundaries to protect your life and marriage. These were given out at a youth ministry retreat we helped with years ago. There are practical ideas listed below for men and women. I pray this helps you begin the process of protecting or restoring your marriage.
Living to leave a legacy,
Julie
FOR MEN
Keep everything in the LIGHT!
L – live above reproach (become a person of integrity)
I – imagine life differently if you acted on your impulses
G – guard your heart (from sin)
H – humble yourself (find some accountability partners)
T – talk openly with God and your spouse
The cost of giving into your impulses is not worth it!
1. lose respect for yourself
2. lose the respect of your spouse & children
3. loss of ministry credentials
4. lose your ministry position
5. lose the respect of your church
When you are tempted to give in to temptation, ask yourself the following questions:
What consequences could I face by acting on this now?
What could I lose?
How will this affect my future?
Is it worth it?
Who could I ask to help me prevent this from happening again?
PROTECT YOURSELF
1. Stay connected with God
2. Stay connected with your spouse
3. Find some accountability partners
4. Never be alone with the opposite sex
Meetings - have them with the door open, or in an area where you can be seen or interrupted.
Rides home - don’t give the opposite sex a ride home alone, take someone with you.
*Make sure all of your leaders know not to leave the church until all the kids are gone so you aren’t left alone with anyone.
5. Steer students of the opposite sex with unhealthy attachments to you, to your spouse or another adult leader of the same sex
6. No two-handed chest to chest hugs with the opposite sex
(One arm side hugs ONLY)
7. No extended times online with the opposite sex
8. Keep your computer in a public place where you can be interrupted
9. Make time limits for yourself when it comes to free time spent on the computer online
10. Find and install accountability or filtering software to protect your computer and to guard your integrity
FOR WOMEN
1. Be supportive & encouraging to your husband
(Or someone else will)
2. Make your house a “home”
(Your home needs to be a place of refuge for your husband not another battle ground)
3. Communication is the key
(It is the life line of a marriage)
-take time to clarify (nobody ever catches the hints dropped)
-openly share your feelings (there is no room for guessing)
-watch your tone (how you say it makes a difference)
-timing is everything (when and where you share makes all the difference)
-learn to listen (hear his side with out reacting)
-learn to accept your part in any disagreements
4. Keep your marriage alive
(Don’t let the romance die!)
-keep flirting, holding hands, hugging, sending notes, etc…
-find what says “I love you” to your spouse
-start each day out by saying “I love you”
-do something for your spouse that he could do for himself
-go along to get along on occasion (compromise)
-learn to look through your husbands eyes
5. Win his heart and turn his head
(Work to keep him turned toward you)
-keep your husbands attention (do new things like when you were dating)
-take care of yourself (hair, make-up, dress, etc…)
-if you don’t win his heart and turn his head someone else will
6. Protect your treasure
(Realize what a treasure you have in your husband)
-be thankful for what you have
-imagine life with out him
-help protect the gift God has given you
Internet (put your computer in a public place, get a filter)
Help keep him from being alone with the opposite sex (be sensitive)
Stay intimate so he won’t be tempted sexually
Stay connected spiritually (Don’t keep your relationships with God hidden)
Carry each others burdens (create a safe place to share struggles with out judgment)
7. Guard your heart
(Strive to keep your heart tender towards God)
-confess, ask forgiveness, and turn from sin on a regular basis
-wash in the word daily (allow God’s word to cleanse you of sin)
-learn to forgive and forget the past (when it comes to others)
-stay connected to God by talking to Him on a regular basis
-take time to listen to God and allow Him to direct your steps
-choose to continue to grow in God
-choose to avoid criticism, comparing, bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy, etc… from dwelling in your heart
-don’t allow yourself to be put in a position to fail
-reserve your heart for God and your husband alone
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