Perfectly Imperfect

With the New Year fast approaching, I’m becoming a little introspective as the rest of the world I suppose. I have been hearing lots of New Year’s verbage lately such as… resolutions, goals, quitting bad habits, starting new habits, and making fresh starts. Each New Year promises to bring positive changes for us all or at least we hope it does.

The biggest resolution I hear about most is losing weight and getting in shape. Maybe that is because I work at a fitness center. I work in the children’s area so I am expecting to see first hand floods of children being dropped off come January. The place will be filled with masses of people working toward their goal of the “ideal” weight and shape.

I read an article recently while in a waiting room about “How to look your best in your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s.” It sounded interesting. As I read on I learned about the pressure Hollywood puts on actresses to look “perfect” for the world. The ladies interviewed described that they felt most comfortable when they had no make up on, their hair was out of place, and they were dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. That definitely isn’t the picture that is presented on the red carpet for everyone to see.

The world’s view of beauty is an image of perfection and Barbie is their model for inspiration. I watched a video recently that tore into this whole idea. Check it out below…

Check out this great MSN video: Barbie’s 39” bust, 18” waist stir body-image debate

Nobody is perfect. Computer programs have been developed to try to present the perfect image, but it doesn’t come close to reality. It can erase our imperfections; take twenty pounds off, darken skin tones, remove blemishes, and even change the color of our eyes. The goal is to somehow present a better image than what was given. The problem with this is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The idea of images of models, actors, and actresses needing “touched up” implies that nobody is perfect. Even Hollywood needs help looking pretty.

Have you ever felt imperfect? ...Overweight or underweight, too short or too tall, the wrong hair color, skin color, or body shape. It’s hard to be comfortable with ourselves in a Ken and Barbie world. Feeling “not good enough” can consume us, as we compare ourselves to Hollywood’s version of beautiful or handsome. The only problem with our measuring scales is that we can never measure up to that kind of beauty.

I have had to learn over the years to become “comfortable in my own skin.” My health problems have had the potential to affect my self-esteem in a negative way. With all of the medication I am on and the side-effects they have, there is no possible way I could ever measure up to Hollywood. My weight and shape change from day to day. At one point I had a variety of totes of different sizes of clothes in my garage. Not knowing which size I would fit into each season, I wanted to be prepared. I’ve had to learn that it’s not what’s on the outside that matters, but what I look like on the inside. The Bible says in I Samuel 16:7…
“People look at the outside of a person, but the LORD looks at the heart." (NCV)

We can become so obsessed with our outward appearance and what people may think about us, that our definition of true beauty becomes distorted. Beauty to us can become not eating or purging to become that perfect size. It could mean working out 24/7 to have huge muscles and that chiseled six pack. Or it could be having the perfect shade of skin and the right color of hair. That may be your idea of beauty, but God has a different opinion of you.

Psalm 139:13-16 says…
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.” (NCV)

God made us just the way we are on purpose. He likes your hair color, eye color, skin tone, and personality. He loves your voice, your freckles, and your laugh. He loves you… for YOU! As you are preparing to make New Years resolutions for the upcoming year, make it your goal to become beautiful inside first. Learn to become comfortable in your own skin. It fits you well! I pray your new year will be filled with exciting possibilities and incredible adventures.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

Is God blessing me or punishing me?

Check out this video I shared recently at a Ladies Retreat. I pray it encourages you as you listen. God is BIGGER than any circumstance you may face. He specializes in turning bad situations around to bring about something good. Trust Him with the details of your life today!

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

No Record of Wrongs

Have you ever offended someone? Have you said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, or simply made choices that others disagreed with and it somehow offended them? I am honest enough to say I have done it. My intentions are never to offend others, but it happens inevitably at times. Sometimes we can offend without even realizing it and other times it is obvious to everyone.

Have careless words from others ever wounded your heart? Maybe it was words spoken by a spouse, friend, sibling, parent, or an authority figure. It seems like those closest to us can leave the deepest wounds in our hearts. What did you do with that offense? Did you stew over it, hold on to it as your “precious,” give the cold shoulder and avoid that person, or let go of it?

In the past I’ve been a person that was easily offended. I’ve learned now that holding on to an offense will rob me blind and lead me to places I never intended to go if I let it. Holding on to that offense, only hurts YOU in the end. Offense left alone will grow and fester like an infected wound. It will cause you to become a bitter, angry person who looks nothing like the person who first faced that offense in the beginning.

An offense is choosing to place a “fence” up in your lives to keep people out. My husband is the most forgiving person I know. He has told me several times in our marriage when I was offended with him that “if you are offended, it’s because you have offense in you.” Good reminder. Who have we placed the fence up in our hearts and lives to keep out?

I read a good book in the past that really opened my eyes to this called "The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere. It really helped me see how I had put unrealistic expectations on people that they had no idea about. They could never measure up in my eyes and I never gave anyone the benefit of the doubt. My first thought was negative and the worst case scenario. I learned that it wasn’t fair to do that to others. If the tables were turned, I would never want that to be thought of me.

Why do we do it? Why do we choose to hold on to offense? I remember one night seeing what I was doing in a picture in my mind. It was as if I was a prison guard and each person that had offended me was locked up in their own cell with me holding the keys. The problem was that I was the ONLY one allowed to guard them and be in possession of the keys that held their freedom.

As I began to pray and ask God to search my heart, He convicted me of my behavior. My passion to punish those who offended me was paralyzing my ability to be used by God. My life was consumed with retribution. God convinced me that He would do a better job at that than I could. He wanted the keys and He wanted to transfer ALL the prisoners I was holding into His capable hands. The day I gave the keys to God was the day I was set free from years of offense. What a feeling! I felt lighter inside… the burden I was carrying was GONE.

I can’t say that it’s been easy since then. Habits were formed, but God is bigger. I am LESS likely to choose to be offended now, because I’m not willing to pay the price to hold on to that offense. I like to choose to give the “gift” of the benefit of the doubt to others. It’s the gift I would like to receive from them.

What do you do when you are offended? Are you are “record keeper” or a “gift giver”? Record keepers keep track of how they have been wronged or how others have “failed” them. They keep a mental list to track any person that has ever offended them. Gift givers give freely the gift of the “benefit of the doubt” and a second chance. They have learned that life is short and it’s not worth holding on to an offense. How do you want to respond the next time you are offended?

I Corinthians 13:4-6 says…
“Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.” (GNT)

Choose to show love to others by letting go of offenses and loving them unconditionally. No matter what the offense, let God have the keys to the prison doors you have locked them up inside. We need to trust that He knows what is best for them! God always has your best interest at heart. It’s not easy, but it’s always worth it.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

Under Lock and Key

God has been really weighing on my heart lately the desire to help others build healthy marriages. So many people are tossing in the towel and giving up on the “love” of their lives after years of commitment. Why do they do it? There are many reasons given, but regardless of those don’t let the next marriage to fail be yours. If we believe God can heal hearts and lives, we have to believe God can heal broken marriages too. I dare you to trust your life and marriage to God. He specializes in making something beautiful out of brokenness.

I will be touching on this topic quite a bit in the upcoming posts. I want to give you some resources to help you set healthy boundaries to protect your life and marriage. These were given out at a youth ministry retreat we helped with years ago. There are practical ideas listed below for men and women. I pray this helps you begin the process of protecting or restoring your marriage.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie


FOR MEN

Keep everything in the LIGHT!
L – live above reproach (become a person of integrity)
I – imagine life differently if you acted on your impulses
G – guard your heart (from sin)
H – humble yourself (find some accountability partners)
T – talk openly with God and your spouse


The cost of giving into your impulses is not worth it!
1. lose respect for yourself
2. lose the respect of your spouse & children
3. loss of ministry credentials
4. lose your ministry position
5. lose the respect of your church

When you are tempted to give in to temptation, ask yourself the following questions:

What consequences could I face by acting on this now?
What could I lose?
How will this affect my future?
Is it worth it?
Who could I ask to help me prevent this from happening again?


PROTECT YOURSELF

1. Stay connected with God

2. Stay connected with your spouse

3. Find some accountability partners

4. Never be alone with the opposite sex

Meetings - have them with the door open, or in an area where you can be seen or interrupted.

Rides home - don’t give the opposite sex a ride home alone, take someone with you.

*Make sure all of your leaders know not to leave the church until all the kids are gone so you aren’t left alone with anyone.

5. Steer students of the opposite sex with unhealthy attachments to you, to your spouse or another adult leader of the same sex

6. No two-handed chest to chest hugs with the opposite sex
(One arm side hugs ONLY)

7. No extended times online with the opposite sex

8. Keep your computer in a public place where you can be interrupted

9. Make time limits for yourself when it comes to free time spent on the computer online

10. Find and install accountability or filtering software to protect your computer and to guard your integrity


FOR WOMEN

1. Be supportive & encouraging to your husband
(Or someone else will)

2. Make your house a “home”
(Your home needs to be a place of refuge for your husband not another battle ground)

3. Communication is the key
(It is the life line of a marriage)

-take time to clarify (nobody ever catches the hints dropped)
-openly share your feelings (there is no room for guessing)
-watch your tone (how you say it makes a difference)
-timing is everything (when and where you share makes all the difference)
-learn to listen (hear his side with out reacting)
-learn to accept your part in any disagreements

4. Keep your marriage alive
(Don’t let the romance die!)

-keep flirting, holding hands, hugging, sending notes, etc…
-find what says “I love you” to your spouse
-start each day out by saying “I love you”
-do something for your spouse that he could do for himself
-go along to get along on occasion (compromise)
-learn to look through your husbands eyes

5. Win his heart and turn his head
(Work to keep him turned toward you)

-keep your husbands attention (do new things like when you were dating)
-take care of yourself (hair, make-up, dress, etc…)
-if you don’t win his heart and turn his head someone else will

6. Protect your treasure
(Realize what a treasure you have in your husband)

-be thankful for what you have
-imagine life with out him
-help protect the gift God has given you

Internet (put your computer in a public place, get a filter)

Help keep him from being alone with the opposite sex (be sensitive)

Stay intimate so he won’t be tempted sexually

Stay connected spiritually (Don’t keep your relationships with God hidden)

Carry each others burdens (create a safe place to share struggles with out judgment)


7. Guard your heart
(Strive to keep your heart tender towards God)

-confess, ask forgiveness, and turn from sin on a regular basis
-wash in the word daily (allow God’s word to cleanse you of sin)
-learn to forgive and forget the past (when it comes to others)
-stay connected to God by talking to Him on a regular basis
-take time to listen to God and allow Him to direct your steps
-choose to continue to grow in God
-choose to avoid criticism, comparing, bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy, etc… from dwelling in your heart
-don’t allow yourself to be put in a position to fail
-reserve your heart for God and your husband alone

Talking Out Loud!

My life is a balancing act and I’ve discovered that I’m not the “expert balancer.” I’m really good at juggling, but in the end something always ends up falling to the wayside. My life has been crazy lately with having to move unexpectedly, packing, and still unpacking. There is work, household chores, school work to help with, the dog to attend to, the boys sporting events, and financial obligations to keep up with. I’ve got to spread out family time, personal time, “God” time, and… FREE time… when does that happen? Boy, have I ever wished for more hours in my day? Or maybe I should say less “things” to do… it’s a toss up.

I have many things I “want” to do, but not enough time to do them and lots of “things” I don’t want to do that steal away all of my time. Does that make any sense? Right now my life is consumed with work and my boys sporting schedule. My health has also been suffering some. It’s so hard to balance working the right amount of time as to not wear myself out, but make “enough” money to help with our monthly budget. A life long battle I’m sure. I’m sure glad God always makes up the difference. A verse comes to mind as I share this…

Matthew 6:33-34
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

I heard a quote recently that speaks volumes about this verse… "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles... it empties today of its strength." Corrie Ten Boom

I know, I know… God is in control and I do trust Him! It’s always easy to say, but hard to do when you are living in the thick of it all.

I’ve wanted to write more on here, but time hasn’t allowed many "extra" things lately. I have had some topics brewing in me though that I’m sure you will be seeing soon… “Fire-walling your marriage” – protecting it from the attacks of the enemy and “Image/Do you measure up?” – whose measuring stick are you using when it comes to how you feel about yourself? Just thinking for now… more to follow.

Balance, trust, priorities, pushing forward… all things I’m striving to live out today… just talking out loud. I hope you are enjoying the journey you are on and letting God walk through it all with you.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie