"Living with Pain"

Hey faithful followers of this blog.  Sorry for the lack of posting lately.  I have been busy at work writing a book called "Surviving Life's Mud Puddles".  I am hoping to have it completed by the end of June and ready to publish.  I have been test piloting the book this spring with a group of friends at my church to get feedback. I thought you might enjoy reading a portion of their favorite chapter so far.  Enjoy the read.  I am hoping to begin writing on here lots more this summer.  I love you all dearly.

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

CHAPTER nine

Living with Pain

“…but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” 

Philippians 3:13 (NLT)

When my boys were little they had this weird fascination with Band-Aids. I couldn’t keep the cabinets stocked with enough of them.  They kept disappearing.   We were constantly running out and I couldn’t figure out why.  As I investigated, I discovered that my boys had been raiding the boxes daily.  They had a unique philosophy when it came to Band-Aids. They thought that anytime they hurt, that a Band-Aid placed on the injured area would immediately heal them and take away all of their pain….interesting concept.

I observed their theory in action several times to try to understand their reasoning.  When they would get a bump, bruise, or scratch, they cried their eyes out and immediately stopped the minute the Band-Aid was placed in position.  Wallahhhh… they were healed!   I wish it were true!  This thinking seems a little silly, but some of us see God in the same light. We hurt and therefore we want Him to immediately put a Band-Aid on it and take all of the pain away.

It is inevitable that we will face pain some time in our lives. It could be the pain of a broken relationship, hurtful words, a miscarriage, financial hardship, disease, death, an injustice, or a physical pain that won’t go away. When we face pain, we can relate most to Jesus and how He felt on the cross. He was willing to suffer and to do whatever it took to build a bridge for us to get to God.  Jesus understands pain.  He can relate. 

There have been many times in my journey that I wished I could put a Band-Aid on my life and see it immediately healed.  It would be awesome to see all the hurt go away in an instant.  It’s a nice idea, but it doesn’t always happen that way. God doesn’t promise to take away all of our pain.  He does promise, however, to walk beside us through all of life’s difficulties and carry us when it’s too hard for us to go on. 

John 16:32-33 says…

“But I'm not abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." (MSG)

Instead of bringing our pain to God, we generally choose to carry it on our own.   Our world is filled with broken people carrying invisible hurts.  We can’t always see the evidence of emotional wounds, but they are just as real as physical injuries.  Pain is pain no matter how it masks itself.  It is harmful and damaging if it is not treated.  

My Better Half...

Recently I was pondering my life… probably because in March I turned a year older.  Getting older tends to make you a little more introspective I guess. Well, in my pondering I realized something cool.  This year marks OVER half of my entire life spent with my husband!!! 

It’s hard to believe.  It seems like just yesterday we were in college dating.  God totally set me up and blessed me with an amazing man of God.  I don’t know how I could have made it the last 20 + years with out him.

As I scan over the past half of my life, I see a lot of good that has happened.  My husband and I graduated from Bible College together.  We tackled full-time ministry as a team ministering to teens, young adults, and a mixture of congregations.  We have added two amazing boys to our family.  We have lived in a variety of locations where we have met some pretty amazing people. 

God has used us in ways we never dreamed possible to do things we never could have imagined.  We have been blessed to be instruments in God’s hands to reach hearts and lives for Him.  Those impacted by our ministry still overwhelm us to this day.  Our hearts and lives have been changed!  My husband and I have laughed together, dreamed together, and cried together.  He is truly my best friend, my soul mate, and the keeper of my heart…my better half!

This half of my life has been amazing for the most part, but not entirely a bed of roses.  We have also faced a miscarriage, financial hardship, I was diagnosed with a debilitating illness, there were challenging moments, unforeseen circumstances, and the like. 

Despite these trying times I have found two things to be true.  
1.  My God has been and will continue to be faithful to me in good times and bad.  2.  My husband has been and continues to be a constant source of strength and encouragement for me all along this journey.  I am blessed on both accounts.

We are a team!  We figure when we join together and add God to the mix… 
all things are possible!   Why not?

As I compare the two equal parts of my life I must confess this second half by far has been the better half!  I’m not saying the first part of my life was horrible or anything, but my faith wasn’t fully developed.  God wasn’t at the core of who I was which made life a lot harder for me.  I struggled with my self-esteem, my life was full of fear, I cared a lot what others thought of me (which was a huge distraction), and I was consumed with pleasing others. 

My faith was second hand… I spent a lot of time watching & listening to what others said about God.  Getting to know God personally for me was a process.  There were moments where God showed up and surprised me with His presence and moments I walked away.  It didn’t really stick for me until my junior year of high school when I was 17. 

God rocked the world of this shy, introvert in such a powerful way that it changed the course of my future.  I began to own my faith!  This new found faith led me to pursue a life tailored by God.   I wanted God’s best for me… no matter what! There was a radical element hidden deep within me even then believing God to do impossible things.

It was only a couple years later that I met my husband.  He was and is to this day a fireball for God.  He intimidated me when I first met him with his passion for God and boldness.  I had never met anyone like him before.  I was drawn to him, yet I hesitated in a sense.

He was loud in every way.  Can you imagine what I was like at that time?  Even though God had rocked me to the core, I was still shy and a little unsure about things.  I was treading forward slowly with my new found faith.  Everything was new to me and sometimes a little scary.

Well, by God’s design guess who He put me with?  …the loud, crazy, bold, and passionate man of God.  J  It’s a cool story I will have to tell you all some time later.  I SO love my life with him.  God has been so good to me in blessing me with this man.  Marrying him was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

My husband is a man of character and integrity.  He loves deeply and lives out His faith.  It’s a first hand kinda faith.   The reality of God active in his life has transformed him!  God’s fruit runs deep within him. 

He covers my insecurities, cheers me on, and loves me fiercely.  Hands down he is the best daddy ever to our two boys.  This second half of my life has been the better half, for sure!

I have discovered in my reflecting back upon my life that I have learned a few things… or at least I hope I have so far in my old age.  God has been molding me and shaping me all along the way.  In fact, my husband has taught me quite a few noteworthy things as well.  These are too good to keep to myself so I thought I would share.  Enjoy!

 Here are some things I have learned from my husband

(There are way too many to name, but here are a few)

~Look for the positive in things and people FIRST

(My husband accidentally married a mostly negative gal… oops.)

~Take time to savor the moments

(Or as my husband chooses to say it, “don’t take this moment for granted”)

~Make memories

(Don’t be too busy to spend quality time with your family.  Memories last a lifetime!)

~Laughter is great medicine

(My husband has kept me laughing through good times and bad.  He keeps my heart smiling.)

~Let boys be BOYS

(My tendency is to protect & shelter, but I guess its ok for my boys to get dirty & play hard… sometimes.)

~Dance your troubles away

(Sometimes my husband randomly invites me to slow dance with him.  Locations have been around the house, parking lots, fast food restaurants, many times in places where you don’t see dancing, he is crazy like that.!)

  It’s medicine to the soul like laughter especially when I am dancing. J

~Imperfection is okay to be displayed

(A messy house shows a life well-lived. It’s not our goal, but occasionally it can be our reality. 

It’s where we live... sometimes people need to see that we are real people too.)

~We all fail at some point in our lives.  Failing doesn’t make you a failure!

 (We can actually fail forward with God’s help and grow from it.)

Be the BIGGER person when conflict arises in a relationship

(Own your part of the problem.  Saying a genuine “I’m Sorry” can go a long way to restore a broken relationship… follow it up by “Will you please forgive me? and watch the healing begin. 

Being healthy is the goal and much more important than being right.)

~Lying breaks trust and trust is hard to earn. 

(Choose honesty every time.)

~Remain a person of integrity even when your character is attacked

and the crowd doesn’t believe you.  

(God knows the truth! In God’s time the truth will be revealed.)

~Believe God to do impossible things

(Even when your faith is wavering and all hope is gone!)

~Become a person of Integrity

(Reflect God well!  Be who you say you are all of the time.)

~Become a person of Excellence

(Let everything you do be done to the best of your ability.  Always leave things better than you received them.  It’s the best way to reflect God to the world and bring honor to His name)

~Quality of life trumps quantity of money hands down any day

(At the end of our days the amount of money we earned won’t matter to us as much as

the life we lived making memories with family and friends or the lack there of.)

~Our priorities dictate our peace

(Healthy priorities lead to a peaceful life.  By God’s design our priorities should be in this order:

God first… our own personal walk with Him should be strong, Our Spouse second…if there is one… stay connected and keep growing your relationship, Our children should be third… if we have them... raise them up in the ways of God leading by example, and then everything else…  Job, sports, friends, etc…

When God isn’t at the heart of who we are, everything else gets out of place

and suffers leaving His peace no where to be found.)

Here are some personal things I have learned with God’s help over the years…

~Our faith-life can’t grow unless it is tested by God

 ~If we call ourselves Christians, there should be evidence to show this

(There should be God-fruit growing in our lives.)

 ~You never really appreciate the gift of life until it is threatened to be taken away from you

  

~We should do two things often…

(Say “I love you” verbally to those we love and wrap them in hugs and kisses) 

Daily doses of these tend to leave lasting impressions on the hearts of those who receive them.

 ~When all hope seems gone and you feel alone… God is there

 ~When messy faith meets a might God lives are radically changed

 ~When hard times come…unexpected circumstances, hardship and heartache, loss and defeat…run TO God not AWAY from Him. 

(Running AWAY from God forfeits His peace, presence, and provision.)

 ~Accountability is good.  We need each other!

(There is safety in numbers.  Accountability protects us from evil and pushes us toward good. 

Find at least two accountability partners to help you keep on track and grow closer to God.)

 ~God doesn’t want my leftovers, He wants my everything!

 ~God’s peace follows as I obey His leading.

 ~God’s timing is perfect

(Even when He doesn’t follow my projected time table.)

 ~God made me on purpose and has a plan for my life.

 ~God’s will isn’t difficult. 

(If I do what I know He wants me to do today, He will lead me naturally to where I need to be tomorrow.)

 ~Faith begins as we step out of the boat of our comfort zone and trust God with the details.

 ~Prayer is simply talking to God like you would a close friend. 

(Fancy words don’t change that.)

  

~The Bible is food for our spirits. 

(With out it our spirit dies.)

~Bitterness grows where un-forgiveness lives. 

(The person affected most by this destructive poisonous venom is the carrier harboring it.)

~Life is short.  Make it count!

(We have all been given an expiration date.  Live with purpose!) 

~A step beyond just living is giving 

(Live to leave a legacy for the next generation.)

It’s been a crazy ride… this life of mine, but I’m in it for the long haul.  I’ve still got a lot of life ahead of me and I want to make it count!   What about you?  What are you doing with the life God has given you?  Choosing God has been the best decision I have ever made.  I truly believe the best is yet to come!

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie

Milestones

My boys and I just returned from a trip to my grandma’s house.  My husband wasn’t able to go with us so I did all of the driving myself.  It was the first time I have driven that far in 9 years since I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease.  It was a long drive that wore me out, but so worth it!  It was a milestone for me!

I am so proud to say that I DID IT!!!!

Why did I make the huge effort to go see my grandma now?  Well, she hit a milestone of her own and I didn’t want to miss it!  My family planned a surprise party to celebrate her 90^th birthday.  Family came from near and far to celebrate her big day.  There were nearly 60 in attendance!

What’s funny is that my grandma didn’t even want to come to the party.  My relatives invited her to a baptism/christening for one of her great grand kids (to trick her), but she wasn’t feeling up to it.  When I talked to her a few days before the event, she told me she wasn’t going.  She didn’t feel well, she thought the weather might be bad, she had company visiting her for spring break (or so she thought), and she didn’t really want to be around a lot of people.  I chuckled inside as I listened.

My uncles tried to coax or guilt her into it, but she would NOT be moved!  She said she had a mind of her own and she didn’t feel like going (later she told me she felt so bad for being mean to them).

The final straw for her that moved her was when my mom and sister who were visiting said they weren’t going to go if she didn’t go.  Knowing she could be keeping others from something so seemingly important to her family changed her mind.  Reluctantly she agreed to go.

The people packed in the surprise location awaiting her arrival.  The look on her face was priceless as she entered the room and realized the party was all for her!   She was definitely surprised!

90 years alive!!!!  That is amazing to me.  If I live to be as old as my grandma, my life isn’t even half over.  I still have a lot of LIFE to live!

It was so good to reconnect with my family while I was there.  I saw cousins I haven’t seen for 10-15 years.  We were all there… the original bunch.  There was a picture posted at the party from when we were all little surrounded around my aunt who later passed away.  We were asked to re-create that moment surrounding my grandma.  I happened to be holding my youngest cousin at the time in my arms.  I chose to hug her instead in the new picture.  

We gave tons of hugs and took LOTS of pictures to record all of our special memories not knowing when we might see each other again.  I took time to give my grandma a lot of special attention.  She was so overwhelmed.  She kept saying she couldn’t believe it and that it all seemed like a dream.  I asked her if she felt loved and appreciated and she said a resounding YES!

As I look over my life, I feel old.  But when I look at my life

in respect to my grandma’s I see a FULL life ahead of me with endless possibilities.

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie

Whirlwind

WOW!  This month has been a whirlwind for me.  I can’t believe I haven’t even had a chance to post anything since January and March is right around the corner.  It’s been a crazy month!  I thought I would give you a glimpse into what I have been up to…

The month began with an awesome series launching at our church called “Circle Maker”.  It is based on a book written by Mark Batterson.  He encourages us to pray circles around our biggest dreams and greatest fears… bold, audacious prayers.   Our pastor encouraged us to set an appointment with God daily during this series and even fast at some point setting something aside to focus more on God.  We were given appointment cards as a reminder. 

We sat around tables on Sundays and Wednesdays.  We connected with one another as we connected with God.  It was awesome!  The youth focused on this in their services too!  The results were amazing!  I have two teenage boys who are NOT the same!

They were faithful to keep their appointments with God!  We knew it was appointment time for one of our son’s when we immediately heard passionate singing and praying belting out to God muffled behind a door.  This month has created a hunger for MORE of God in my boys, my family, and my church.  We are praying more, reading the Bible more, and God is stirring us up.  HE is amazing!

Besides our “Circle Maker” series, the first few weeks were consumed with the Basketball season.  Both boys play, but on different teams… with different practices, at different places, with different game schedules.  It felt like for a lot of the month that I was a taxi service and scheduler, planning and coordinating the comings and goings of the Davis family. 

My boys LOVE basketball and it is the only sport they choose to play so we just go with it for the short season.  Basketball is their life.  They watch it on TV, shoot hoops outside at home, play basketball video games, shoot in their mini basketball attached to their door in the bedroom, get basketball sports updates on their phones, create fantasy basketball leagues, and play pick up games when ever they get the chance.  I think you get the point!  It’s all consuming! 

I think this month with our “Circle Maker” series going on, it has been a great reminder to my boys to…. Keep God FIRST.  I’ve noticed a difference in them.  I see them trying to balance a little better their LOVE for basketball and their LOVE for God.  It’s a good lesson to learn early on in life.  I always love it when someone else can re-enforce what we are teaching at home.  It seems to stick better to their lives.

In the middle of the month I went on a Marriage Retreat with my sweetheart of 21 years.  The retreat location was 1 ½ hours away so we took our time getting there.  We had lots of talk time in the car and over the weekend.  I love these retreats.  They aren’t just for people who are struggling in their marriages.  It’s for people who want to become better TOGETHER.  Marriage is work!  It’s always good to hear of different ways we can make it better.  I also love hanging out with old friends and making some new ones too while we are there.  Besides the amazing sessions, I get to spend extra uninterrupted, quality time with my boyfriend.  How can I refuse?

Intermingled throughout the whole month we have had several sports photo shoots.  My husband is a photographer (Davis Creative Photography… Check it out!).  I am his assistant.  I register all of the kids picture forms and assist him with the detail side of things.  This month we had FOUR separate photo shoots we did for various basketball leagues.  There were a lot of early mornings and late nights leaving this girl one tired mama.

At the end of the month my boys went to a youth retreat with our church.  They call it “Kindle”.  It’s all about stirring up a fire inside for MORE of God.  The retreat lasted from Friday-Sunday afternoon.  It was powerful!  I’ve noticed a huge difference in my kids since they got back.  More God-fruit coming out of their lives…Which is a good thing!  There is a clip from the worship time at the retreat below.  My son is the one on the far right in gray helping lead worship.  Enjoy!

What I don’t have time to tell you about is that I was blessed with the incredible gift of kidney stones filling both kidneys this month.  Yay ME!!  The pain at times was as intense as labor pains.  What was that lamaze class about again, I forget?  It’s been so long!  It was unpredictable and debilitating at times, but I survived!  I also registered my boys for their private school next year.  This is a long process… lots of paper work!  We had a Super bowl party too, I got a new nephew, and I agreed to lead a small group at my church.  Did I mention we did our taxes on our own too…YIKES!

It’s been a busy month, but a full one.  I am so thankful for a “Community of Circle Makers” who stood by me in prayer through all of this.  My favorite verse carried me through.  It is settled deep within me and pops up when I need it most.

“I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13 (NCV)

 

March here we come ready or not!  Let’s make it amazing!

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie

The UGLIEST part of me… the big reveal

I have a confession.  There is something I have kept hidden from others for years.  It’s the ugliest part of me.  It’s embarrassing and I don’t want to share, but it’s time.

The struggle started when I was a young teenager.  The teen years are filled with moments of insecurities, fears, and doubts.  There are struggles with trying to fit in, raging hormones, and out of control acne.  It is a time of discovering who you are and who you want to be. 

Is there anything about yourself that you don’t particularly like… anything you wish was different?  As a teen I made a mental check list of the things I liked and the things I didn’t about ME.  I was convinced that I was ugly.  I even had my own visual reminder of my ugliness.   I looked to those around me to confirm my insecurities and they did!  God didn’t make me beautiful like others.  I was somehow overlooked.  I was sure of it!

I kept them hidden for awhile.  How could I possibly let anyone, but those closest to me see my ugliness?  I decided to take a chance when I went to youth camp.  Surely I could trust my roommates and friends with this insecurity, right?  It was the first time in awhile I felt naked… my feet were bare and free for all to see. 

I walked casually throughout our room preparing for bed hoping nobody would notice.  I grabbed my toothbrush turning quickly around as one girl passed by me.  So far, so good!  I rushed into the bathroom brushing my teeth frantically before anyone else had a chance to come in to see me.  As I went into the stall to change into my pj’s I heard the bathroom door open.  Uh, oh… now what?  I gathered my things and walked by my friend calmly as I went out the door.

I thought I was safe until I reached our room.  I was hoping to jump under the covers before anyone could see, but I had no such luck.  One friend was sitting on the bed, dangling her legs, waiting for everyone.  My hands were full of things as I entered the room.  I had no way of hiding my feet from her.  She saw.  I know she did.  I slowly put all of my stuff away hoping she didn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong with your feet?  They look like pigs feet.”  I shrugged at her that I didn’t know, but my heart was crushed.   The innocent comments of a young clueless teenager had scarred me.  I endured the rest of the week holding back the tears.  When I got home I worked up the courage to ask someone else close to me their opinion.  I shared the incident and waited for a response.  This person looked “them” over and said “well, I guess she might be right.”  My heart sunk.  The scars ran deep.  I was right.  God made me ugly.  I was broken.

From that moment on they went into hiding.  No flip flops or open toed shoes.  No one could see. No one could know. Only the trusted were privileged.  The insecurity grew into fear… fear of what others would think.

Over the years I developed a hatred of feet.  I know.  It sounds crazy to think about now or even say.  Feet, who cares about feet?  I did.  I was jealous of those with beautiful feet.  Manicured toenails displayed for all to see.  Pretty girls, with perfect feet, wearing flip flops freely with no worry in the world.  I longed to be them.

Babies were different of course.  Who could hate the feet of little babies?  I loved their feet!  I kissed my boys toes when they were little… of course until they began getting sweaty and stinky.  I have teens now and all I can say is… gross.  The stink is beyond words.

My husband was amazing through my struggles.  He is my faithful self-esteem builder.  He never ceases to tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.  He has never, ever said anything negative to me about ME.  Instead of me feeling insecure, he has helped foster my security in him and God.  He has been a huge part of the healing process.  I am blessed to have such an amazing man love me so.  Thank you God!

I thought my troubles were bad until I met others with foot issues… crooked toes, weak feet, troubling ankles and the like.  I was fortunate.  My problem was more of an insecurity, than an actual medical issue.  I needed a different kind of healing.

I went to a ladies retreat a few years ago that was themed around shoes.  They blessed us with gifts all throughout the weekend.  One gift I received was a ladies shoe inscribed with the words “walk by faith” and a plaque with a scripture on it.  This is what it says…

  

“How beautiful are the feet

of those who bring good news!”

Romans 10:15 (NIV)

  

What did that scripture say?  How beautiful are the FEET of those who bring good news!  I thought about it as I read the scripture on the plaque.  I have been in the ministry for 15 + years doing my best to “bring the good news” of Christ to others.  I guess in that respect MY FEET have been beautiful.  Wow…God sees things differently, doesn’t He?

There is a song that comes to mind that I have heard before…

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You know what I have discovered the hard way… that God sees beauty differently than I do.  Surprise, surprise!  He sees a lot of things differently than I do.  I should have known.

I thought the ugliest part of ME was my feet, but I have found over my many years of hiding that God has a different opinion.  Something far more ugly has been lurking and growing in my life that needs to die… my PRIDE.

So here and now I proclaim… If God can use my “ugly feet” to reach one more soul for Him then by all means I surrender.  My insecurity, my fear, my feet are HIS.

He made me on purpose just the way I am and He thinks I’m beautiful.  That’s all that matters!

 

Psalm 139:13-16 says it perfectly

You made my WHOLE being; you formed me in my mother’s body.  I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.  What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.  You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother’s body. When I was put together there, you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old. (NCV)

Are you struggling today with how God made you?  Is there some part of you that you detest?  I challenge you to flip the coin in a sense and try to see what God sees when He looks at you.  Let God validate, confirm, and verify to you that HIS opinion of you is what matters most!  He thinks YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL in His eyes or HANDSOME… whatever applies (giggle).  Walk in this new found freedom and shine.  You are a masterpiece friend!

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie