My "THIRD" son...

I found out recently that I have been blessed with a “third” son.  No I did NOT give birth to a new child or adopt.  I must admit, I am as surprised by this as you.  Let me explain…

At the beginning of this year, we went back on staff as Associate Pastors at a church we were Youth Pastors at almost ten years ago.  We LOVE this church!!!  In an attempt to catch up with all the time I have missed, I have been re-acquainting myself with everyone.  I have been reminiscing with old friends and getting to know new ones.  It’s been fun!

The pleasant surprise in this effort has been that MANY people think I have THREE boys.  I don’t know why or WHO this other boy is, but I have some bit of inkling.  My boys are 16 months a part in age and act a lot like twins.  Because of their out going personalities and love for fun, they draw other boys to them.  In fact LOTS of boys… boys of all ages love them! 

They want to be around them all of the time.  They want to sit with them in church, play basketball with them, spend the night, or just hang out.  I am constantly shooing boys out of my car (they sneak in at church or school).  They are hoping to go home with us unnoticed.  My boys are hardly ever without a friend in their midst.

All that to say…  I’m really not sure who our “third” son is.  He could be Aaron, Elliott, Zephaniah, Zach, Jacob, Caleb, or a slew of others.  This “third” son we are assumed to have represents something important to me.  A long time ago, before my husband and I ever had kids we discussed this event.  We had each experienced seeing friends at a young age being exposed to so much garbage by just visiting other friend’s houses.  Parental supervision was non-existent, limited, or the parents were just plain terrible role models.  We wanted to be different.

We talked about how some day we wanted to be “the house”.  You know, that house every kid wanted to be at, felt loved, and safe there.  We brain stormed ideas.  IF we didn’t want our boys going anywhere else as teens, it was going to cost us something.  It was going to cost us…TIME to be available to hurting kids… giving rides, supervising behavior, and being second parents to those who needed us.  It would cost extra MONEY to create a fun environment and feed the masses.  It would require FLEXIBILITY.  We would need to be available for others, willing to carpool kids everywhere with out complaining (requiring extra gas money too of course), keep them overnight, and add them to our family’s events at times.  It would require extra ENERGY… to give, love, serve, and discipline when necessary.  In essence we would be Mama and Papa Davis to a posse of boys.  Were we up for the challenge?  We thought so at the time…

It came upon us before we knew it.  This thing called puberty and the teen years.  Yikes!  We made a commitment to ourselves, but now the moment has arrived.  I can see it happening right before my eyes.  My boys are growing up and helping mold and shape those around them for God by their influence.  We speak often to them of being a leader, an example, and living out what they believe before others.  And… they are doing it! 

But without even a warning it seems… it snuck up on us.  My boys are making us second parents to a posse of boys.  Just before they left for church camp today, they asked me to hug several boys goodbye as their second mom.  I am sure glad they don’t mind sharing me.

SO, I guess we will be “that house” soon enough.  Currently we are renting where we are at, but looking for a house to buy.  I suppose one of our prerequisites might need to be… LOTS of room for a bunch of boys to congregate on the weekends.  

We are “that” family.  You know the one that is willing to do what it takes to be “Jesus with skin on” to a bunch of boys.  The task seems overwhelming, but I know “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.”  Thank goodness I am not alone.  Prayers appreciated as we forge ahead into the unknown!  May God bless my “third” son and the many more to come... 

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie

My Imperfect Progress…

Hello, my name is Julie and I am IMPERFECT.  Yep that’s right!  Sorry if you pegged me for anything else.  I fail just like the best of them.  However, in the midst of my shortcomings, unflattering moments, and failed attempts, I want to strive to do something crazy and outlandish.  I want to become better.  I am in pursuit of this thing called…“IMPERFECT PROGRESS”. 

My heart has been challenged recently by a book we are studying at my church called “Unglued”, by Lysa Terkeurst.  It has been very eye-opening. It challenges our thinking when it comes to those “Unglued” moments.  You know them… those moments where you say or do things you didn’t mean to and later regret.  


It always seems to happen when you least expect it with an audience you never intended to be there.  That shining, memory making moment has been forever etched in their minds.  OUCH!  

Have you ever been there?  If you have don’t worry, there is hope!  With God’s help, we can make “imperfect progress”… growing daily to reflect Him better.

I love this quote from the book, “Raw emotions won’t sit quietly awaiting further instructions.  They’ll move – outward if we explode and inward if we stuff.”  SO true!  Our goal needs to be to make wise decisions in the midst of these raw emotions.  With God’s help, we can make choices that honor Him and reflect Him well. Remember we are RE- Presenting Him to others everyday by the way we live our lives.  Live well!

Are YOU a stuffer?  When people hurt your feelings, do you just stuff it down and ignore it?  Do you store up hurt to eventually hurl back at others at the appointed time?  Or, maybe instead you build up walls to keep others out.  You hide behind the walls you built to keep from being hurt again.  Either way, stuffing can be harmful to you and others.  God has a better way.

Are YOU an exploder?  Do stressful situations or people push you over the edge causing uncontrollable outbursts and unpredictable behavior?  Do you blame others for provoking the outbursts or feel shameful later filled with regret?  It may seem like a never-ending cycle, but there is hope for you with God’s help.  He can calm the raging storms of life and give you that priceless gift of self-control.

Is there hope for the “UNGLUED”?  Of course there is.  There is hope for me and there is hope for YOU!  I learned a few things that have been very helpful during the study.  I hope you will find them helpful as well.             
1. “Practice Pausing” before reacting…. Not sighing loudly so others can hear and catch your frustration.  I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work!  I am talking about a “Pause” to gain self-control, listen, and wait on God to help you form your response.  This kind of pausing can save you a world of trouble.  
2.   Choose to REPLY with grace, not react in frustration.  Pausing helps us make wise decisions before we speak.  


Are you catching that REACTING can be bad?  These are great things to practice on your family.  I can’t say I always get it right, but I am trying and becoming better.  IMPERFECT PROGRESS….

When we FAIL to "practice pausing", overreacting to things may occur. This can cause the situation to become bigger than it already is and has the potential to unleash a bucket full of un-lovelies that could wound innocent hearts.

Here is my story of failing to pause recently... live and learn from my mistakes.

Recently while driving my boys’ home from school we got into a heated discussion. On our drive I discovered that they had a disagreement at lunch. It went down like this at the lunch table… A story was shared with friends at the lunch table by one son of something that happened at home. The other son didn’t remember the incident so flat out said to the group in front of the other son, “that never happened!”  In the car he was giving his brother a hard time. I was irate! Just because HE didn’t remember it happening doesn’t mean it didn’t happen! It may not have been described the way HE remembered, but that was attacking the other son’s integrity to call it in essence a LIE in front of his friends. It ticked me off. Why couldn’t HE get this? I began a long lecture on integrity and the proper way to communicate with one another and that we are a team, etc…, but it DID NOT go over well. I left the boys for a few moments and went into a store to grab a few things while I cooled off. In that moment, God opened my eyes. He whispered to me ever so softly in my spirit that my son may have been WRONG in how he handled things, but I overreacted. I didn’t even let the other son explain HIS side of the story to find out what actually happened. I ASSUMED a lot which was my downfall. I needed to take a different approach to get to the bottom of this. This was a deeper, life lesson type of issue.

When we got home I apologized for overreacting and said I approached the whole thing the wrong way and asked if we could try again. They agreed. I asked the son who shared the story first to explain what happened from his perspective. He began to recount the whole event with his brother interrupting saying it never happened. I asked how that made him feel. He shared that it made him feel like he was being called a liar. I asked his brother if he realized he made him feel that way. He said… “No”. I asked if there were other ways he could have said it without implying his brother was a liar if he didn’t remember the story. We went through different scenarios and I explained how we need to protect integrity. I encouraged them with… “if you question something like this with anyone, talk to them privately. Don’t assume the worst. Integrity is important. This is a leadership trait to learn. Guard integrity and talk privately about things that might concern you… not openly for everyone to question.” 

Wow…. The quiet discussion went a lot better than the angry outburst. I assumed they knew all of this which they didn’t. Leadership & character traits are being taught in the everyday living as I parent my kids. This raising kids thing is A LOT harder than I expected, but oh so rewarding.

This “IMPERFECT PROGRESS” is a life-long pursuit.  Each day I am trying to reflect God better by my life choices.  I hope my transparent heart has inspired you to journey with me as I strive to make wise decisions in the midst of raw emotions.  With God’s help there is hope!

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie

The day I told HER what I really thought of her…

Darth Vador, The Joker, Wile E. Coyote, Lex Luthor, The Wicked Witch of the West, and Magneto.  What do all these names have in common?  They are all someone’s “Nemesis”.  A nemesis can be defined as “an opponent that cannot be easily beaten or overcome.”  Another name for this person might be… an adversary, archenemy, backbiter, betrayer, or foe.

Do you have a Nemesis?  I know it’s hard to believe, but I have had a few of these in my lifetime.  Some how my life threatened them, trust was broken, and a friendship was lost.  None of this was my intent, but was the end result due to their actions.

I remember one time I had a chance to tell my nemesis exactly what I thought of her.  We served together in ministry.  She was a part of a team of leaders we developed to help in our specific area of ministry.  She seemed to have a servant’s heart, she was willing to help wherever needed, and was supportive of everything we did.  Oh, how we were mistaken.  I don’t know when the tides turned, but at some point her heart grew cold towards us.  She began to stir up dissension, speak negatively about us to others, and tried to divide the very ministry we worked so hard to build together for God.  My heart was broken.  I was shocked, angry, and confused.  Why?  What did “I” or “WE” do to cause her to act in such a way?  I was stunned.

Before the mess began, my husband and I had already felt God releasing us from this area of ministry and leading us to another.  We attempted to make it as smooth as possible for everyone.  We stuck it out until the dust settled not wanting to make a mad dash in the midst of chaos.  We owed God and those we served better than that.  On our last night with our leaders my husband determined we would say goodbye in a unique way.  He didn’t tell me until it was too late for me to say no that we were going to do a foot washing Jesus-style. 

 He wanted us to wash each leader’s feet separately and tell them ALL of the things we have appreciated about them from our time together.  It all sounded good until he said… “I will do the guys and you will do the gals.”  What?  SHE was here… you know what that means?  I have to wash HER feet and say nice things to HER!  I just don’t have anything nice to say!   My husband reminded me that he felt this was something God wanted us to do, SO I said okay.  But he could tell I was NOT happy.

We placed two chairs up front, played some worship music, and had the leaders’ line up in two lines (gals & guys) for the big event.  As we got our wash cloth and bowls of water ready, my stomach began to churn.  One by one we called them forward.  Tears flowed as we shared words of love and encouragement with each one personally.  “Thank you for loving the unlovable.”  “Thank you for coming early and staying late to reach lost souls.”  “Thank you for praying, giving, living your walk with God out before others, and supporting us 100%.”    Thank you, thank you, thank you, and we love you. 

The knots in my stomach multiplied as I looked across the room at HER.  I chose everyone, BUT the one I dreaded most.  I was saving HER for last.   I prayed God would give me the words.  I had MANY words I would have liked to say, but I needed the “right” words… “God’s words”.  Lord help me!  The more I shared with the other ladies how much I appreciated them, the more I realized SHE had done some things I appreciated.  I just didn’t want to share them with her to her face.  My heart was hurt.  This was very humbling… to get on my knees, wash my enemy’s feet, and tell her how much I appreciated her.  This was NOT my favorite time in ministry, but definitely a life-changing moment for me.  

As I walked over to take her hand to guide her to the honored chair, God’s peace poured over me.  I prayed God would help me see HER through His eyes.  I felt His presence like no other helping me… guiding my tongue.  Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I genuinely thanked her for serving beside us all of those years.  My words were heart-felt, my expressions were genuine, and my face shined with joy as God showed up to strengthen me.   I had NO REGRETS.  I could have said A LOT of things, but I chose to allow my words to heal rather than to harm that day.  I said what I needed to say and not what I wanted to say.  Thank you Jesus! 

In that humble moment, God got my attention.  It’s not about me.  It’s all about Him.  SHE wasn’t truly my nemesis.  Satan was the real enemy….provoking, stirring up trouble to divide and conquer.  Two scriptures came to mind…

John 10:10 says…

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (NIV)

Ephesians 6:12 says…

"Our fight is not against people on earth but against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness, against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly world." (NCV)

Satan is the greatest enemy of all.  He is out to hurt us in every way… steal joy, kill dreams, and destroy relationships.  If he can’t keep us from God, then he will attempt to poison the very soul God rescued with anger, bitterness, resentment, and un-forgiveness.  He will use whatever means possible to make this happen… even people we know, trust, and love. 

Do you have one? … A Nemesis?  Maybe it’s time for you to set up an appointment with that person.  Ask God to help you see him or her through His eyes.  You might be surprised what may happen.  Don’t worry… you will not be alone.   God will be there to help you.  It just might be a life-changing moment for you like it was for me. What have you got to lose, but those knots in your stomach?

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie

Blast from the past series -10

A RADICAL DAD

posted 6-18-12

Recently I had the opportunity to visit an assisted living facility.  I must say I was amazed at what I saw.  I was filling in for work in helping an elderly lady with Alzheimer’s.  My job was simply to follow her around to all of her activities and make sure she didn’t wander off.

She is one of many of the people there who is in her nineties.  One couple I met during my visit had been married sixty-seven years.  Wow… what a legacy.  I was impressed at how active, alert, and engaged everyone was.  I felt old compared to them.

I spent two days there following Miss Polly around.  We worked on puzzles, went to several meals together, played cards, watched movies, played bingo, and even hit up an ice cream social.  She is an active old lady.  I had a hard time keeping up with her.  I kept asking her if she needed a nap, but she kept going like the energizer bunny.  Nothing stopped her or slowed her down.  On the other hand, I could have used a nap or two while I was there.

Miss Polly had a “special friend” who joined us often.  He picked her up and escorted her to each activity.  It was cute!  He was half blind and she had trouble remembering things.  What a pair they make!  She leads the way and he helps her remember where to go.

On Saturday we headed down to a special Father’s Day event.  The activities director brought in for the morning a Model T and an old fire truck… the very first one ever made for their town for everyone’s viewing pleasure. They sat in lawn chairs eating ice cream on the front lawn reminiscing about the good old days.

I sat back watching the people come and go.  Some talked of times they had actually participated in being on the volunteer fire fighting teams.  It was interesting.  There was no organized program of sorts, but after a while I noticed Polly’s friend stand up at the front.  I wondered what he was doing so I moved closer to listen.

Polly’s friend shared of how he was a part of a volunteer fire fighting team of sorts in the past.  He related this helping others to God helping us.  Wow… I don’t think this was planned.  He was preaching to the people!  He said he could remember four generations back and has four generations forward now of family.  All of his extended family were gone, but he was still alive for a purpose. 

He shared of how we all have a purpose in living.  He said…“We will all die some day.  It’s going to happen.  But God has a plan for us.  God knows the number of hairs on our heads and He cares about us.”  He encouraged those there to choose God and ask Him into their lives.  It was awesome!  Some listened intently while others were distracted or ignored his heart felt words.

It was a divine appointment!  An eighty-nine year old father took his moment to shine for God to impact his generation.  That just shows we are never too old to be used by God.  He was a radical dad!  I thanked him later for his obedience to God.  He took the opportunity to obey God and he will never know how many people were touched that day.

I learned a long time ago that if I feel God leading me to do something that I need to obey.  I may never know the impact my obedience could make on the life of another.  When we share the good news of God’s love with others, seeds are planted deep within their hearts.  Some day those seeds will be harvested into changed lives.

Take a lesson from this “Radical Dad” today and learn to listen to God, obey His leading, and be available to help bring people to know Him.  Your life will never be the same and neither will theirs!

Living to leave a legacy,
Julie

Blast from the past series -9

Redeem YOUR Storm!!!

Posted 10/31/13

I had the impression that those in their forties had it all together.  Those I saw when I was younger seemed so calm and calculated about life.  Now that I am in my forties myself, I have come to realize that this is SO far from the truth.  I am not at ALL together!  My life is messy.  My house is messy.  My intended schedule for the day is always messed up.  My attitude is not always the best.  

My hair isn’t always in place… in fact MOST days it rebels against me with frizziness.  My life is not a pretty picture.

Regardless of what my life looks like on the outside, on the inside I am on a daily pursuit to become more like Jesus.  He is molding me and shaping me to become a better reflection of Him.  Some days the reflection is clear and you can see Him while other days the picture is blurry.  But I keep pressing forward in my pursuit to become “Jesus with skin on” for the world to see.  

Recently I was sharing with a group of people about the storms of life and God spoke to me in a fresh way on the subject.  I shared how “storms” are those times in our lives where we face seemingly impossible or overwhelming circumstances.  Several things come to mind to note when thinking about storms.  Storms are unavoidable, unpredictable, and unforgettable.

Storms are unavoidable…  They come whether we want them to or not.  Do you know anywhere in the world where there are NO storms?  I don’t.  We can’t avoid them!  All the rain gear we can buy can’t keep the storms from coming!  Life’s storms are the same way.  They are unavoidable… they happen!

John 16:33 says…

“… In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  (NIV)

What do these life storms look like?  Financial hardship, chronic illness, miscarriage, addiction, unfaithfulness of a spouse, job loss, divorce, a rebellious child, family problems, the loss of a loved one, the list could go on…

When the storms of life hit us we can OVERCOME or BE OVERCOME… we can face them in FEAR or with FAITH.  The choice is up to us.  We can’t begin to dig a storm shelter in the middle of a tornado that is about to hit!  We have to prepare ahead of time for storms…   When it comes to the storms of life, we need to prepare NOW for what may be ahead so we can face them with faith.

Storms are unpredictable… They come when we least expect it and aren’t ready for them.  The sirens start going off as dinner is on the stove and where are those candles and flashlights?  Do we have batteries?  Uh, oh… we may be sitting in the dark for awhile.  Storms catch us off guard.  Life’s storms are the same way.  It is in these moments where we really need our friends and family to pray with us and for us.

Unpredictable storms can leave us shocked and unaware of HOW to respond.  Unexpected tragedies, natural disasters, car accidents, chronic illnesses that creep up quickly, and the like can surprise us and paralyze our ability to move forward.  We would hope when life catches us off guard that our first reaction would be to respond in faith, but fear is right there waiting to overtake our hearts. 

Don’t ever be afraid to ask people to lift you up in prayer when you feel your faith is WEAK.  That is what the family of God is all about.  We need to be investing spiritually for the storms ahead.  We have NO idea what will hit next so we need to be growing our faith stronger each day.  Pray, read, find a church to help you grow in your faith and go, and surround yourself with people who love God and YOU!

           “Often in trials and storms we focus on the impossibility of our circumstances 

                                                instead of the GREATNESS of our God.”

Storms are unforgettable…  Those who have lived through a tornado, hurricane, or massive storm will NEVER forget it!  It is life-changing!  The pictures stay with you.  The stories are forever etched in your mind.  For me facing life’s storms changed ME!  Trivial things didn’t matter as much.  I became more thankful for the little things and my priorities changed drastically. 

Sometimes we allow the storms we face in life to define us.  God’s desire is to help us reflect Him better as we face each storm in faith trusting Him.  

                       "It is in the messy moments of life that people are drawn to 

                                                                  Christ in us the most."  

I decided after facing my seemingly insurmountable storm of being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that I WOULD NOT allow my storms to be wasted time.  I want to redeem each storm and use them as a tool to reach others. 

Whatever I face… I want God to heal it, fix it, or change whatever necessary to get me where I need to be quickly.  My desire is to turn around and use that storm to inspire others for God.  My husband said recently on this subject… “Turn that terrible time into a terrific testimony.”  God wants to redeem your storms!  Cash them in to Him and in return He will give you an inspiring story to share with others of how in faith you made it through and they can too.

Storms will come… they are unavoidable. Some will be unpredictable and life altering, but if you prepare now by growing strong roots of faith you will make it through.  Many storms are unforgettable.  Those moments where you meet the storm head on in fear, enlist friends to pray, and God shows up increasing your faith are unforgettable!  Give each storm to God.  He can turn the bad around for good to inspire others to believe God in faith for THEIR storms.  Let God be your “storm shelter” as you take on the winds, rain, and all of the elements this life may throw at you.  He will see you through!

Living to leave a legacy,

Julie