I made a
list. I’m a list maker. I can’t help myself! This list isn’t the normal grocery list, Christmas
list, mailing list, or “to do” list I regularly write. It’s a list that’s even MORE important.
It’s a special
list just for my boys. I like to call it
my “Mentoring to Manhood” list. It’s a
list of things to sort of help prepare them for the future… and for life! (…or at least I hope it does!!)
On this list you will
find a variety of things… How to change a tire, How to sew on a button, Cooking,
Cleaning, and the like… It covers many
categories. It’s filled with all of the things I think my boys need to know to
be ready for life. Well… life on their
own that is.
It wasn’t until
recently that it hit me that I was missing something pretty important on my
list! I’ve got a lot of things on my
list mind you so it was quite eye opening for me. I have:
Household goals, Financial goals, Car Maintenance goals, Home
Maintenance goals, Professional goals, Social goals, Character goals, Spiritual
goals, and
The missing
category probably stood out to me more because my boys were both dealing with
emotional issues. Needless to say they
weren’t reacting the way I had hoped.
Their reaction to hurt, offense, and the like has caused me to ask
myself some hard questions:
Am I
helping prepare my boys in HOW to “process” life? Am I teaching them HOW to emotionally
handle the ups and downs that life may deal them?
I guess I kind of
hoped they would just watch my life and their dad’s (who handles things so much
better than me) and follow suit. But… as
I look back across my life, I have to ask myself a question… “Have I handled
things properly?” “Have I ever or do I
now carry around emotional baggage from the past?”
I visited a small
group recently that was full of broken, hurting people. Life had hurt
them. People had hurt them. They had been hurt A LOT over their lifetime. As a result they carried emotional
baggage. They wanted to be free! Some have experienced freedom in the group while
others are in the process of getting there.
Healing is a choice, friends!
When we are
hurt, what do we do? I witnessed my boys’ reactions first hand
and learned quickly that I haven’t been a good teacher. Well… maybe I have dealt with things in the
proper way personally, but I haven’t taught them well HOW to do the
same. Their preference when hurt by
others is to get mad, shove the offense under the rug (not dealing with it), try
to forget it ever happened, and move on with their life.
Whoa! This is definitely not the way to handle
hurt! Actually this pattern is NOT setting
them up to walk in freedom, but rather lends to ADDING “baggage” to their lives
at a young age.
Following this pattern will only cause
you to (1)hold on to the offense, (2)feed it by talking to others
(which only makes things worse), and then (3) bury it inside of your hearts
for safe keeping… thinking all is well.
The result is that offense begins to grow like a cancer undetected inside of you. The fruit of this cancer becomes roots of un-forgiveness,
bitterness, and anger.
Check out the chart below I found that shows the destructive path of offense. Some of us may have traveled this way before.
The scary thing
is that those who are sick with “offense” have no idea it is there growing and
festering inside of them until they explode unexpectedly without warning! I haven’t even mentioned how deadly this can
be to the spiritual LIFE of the individual.
It creates distance between them and God. It gets harder to hear His voice and feel His
presence because the heart is sick.
I do NOT want
this for my boys! So… with just a short
time left for my oldest and another year or so left for my youngest I am adding
to my special list a few more things…
-How to deal
with offense
-How to truly
forgive someone
-How to deal
with disappointment
-How to deal
with conflict
-How to say
you are sorry and mean it
-How deal with
pride and have humility
-How to deal
with toxic people and be a good judge of character…
By no means am I
finished yet with my list. I’m trying to
think outside of the box and pray about this… allowing God to reveal things to
me to share with them… for “us” (my hubby and I) to share with them. I realize I can’t shelter my boys from
everything! I know they will get their
feelings hurt at times and be disappointed.
It’s inevitable, but if I can save them some pain or help them better
prepare for what’s ahead in life then I want to do so. After all, they are my babies and what else
is a mom to do!
Have you made a
list for your kids? If not, I challenge
you to do so. Are you carrying around
emotional baggage from a horrible past?
If so, I want to encourage you to give it to God. He is the only one that can truly set you
free! Choose today to walk in freedom!
Living to leave a
legacy,
Julie
