Being a parent
is hard… well harder than
I thought. I’m not sure what I was
thinking parenting would look like, but this isn’t it.
I remember when
the boys were little holding them tight vowing to protect them from EVERYTHING. My job as a mom was to keep them safe…
right? It’s really easy to keep them
safe INSIDE your house. It’s when you
step outside into the real world that it really gets hard.
It’s a full time
job… this keeping our kids safe thing.
Safe from what you might ask?
Well, when I signed up to be a mom I committed to do something. I didn’t just want to raise good little
boys; I wanted to raise strong, godly men.
This whole raising “men” thing takes a lot of time, commitment, and hard
work. It isn’t easy, but it is well
worth it!
My husband and I
determined when the boys were little that it was
“Our
old enough to do it for
their selves.
That would mean
we would need to be their filter for what they watched, listened to, who they
hung around, and where they would go. We
knew it wouldn’t be easy, but we were determined to take “our job” seriously.
In the process
of being their filter, we decided in addition to share with them the “Why’s” of
our decisions. Hearing how we came
to our decisions, would help them learn how to process things for themselves in
the future.
I’m not an
overprotective parent as some may think, I just CARE a lot! My boys are precious to me. I want to hold them close and keep them safe...
forever! I don’t want them to be hurt in
any way ever if I can help it.
I remember when
my youngest went to Kindergarten. My
oldest was just in first grade. Against
my better judgment, the boys rode the bus to school. They actually begged to do so.
We lived in a
small town so elementary through high school rode the same bus. I remember that first day of school. My husband and I walked our boys to the bus
stop and waited… a ball of raging emotions bursting inside of us. Tears threatened to run free, fear started to
bubble, and peace was evaporating at a rapid speed as the bus pulled up.
As they loaded
the bus and found their seats, my heart sunk deep into my chest. It was painful. I had flashbacks from "MY" many years on the
school bus (Which were horrible!) and I wondered…Will the bus driver drive
safely? Will the other kids be nice to my baby boys? Will the older kids bully them? How could I keep them safe when they weren’t
with ME? It was scary. I had to trust God and pray. They were out of my hands now and into His.
“I was in a scary place
of surrender and I didn’t like it.”
Have you ever
been there friend? In that place where
you have to trust others with your kids or you have to trust your kids to make
right decisions on their own with out YOU? It’s scary…. and
painful. I do NOT like it...
probably mostly because it’s all out of my control. I can’t protect them the way my heart longs
to do so.
For some
reason it seems as my boys have grown older, I have had to trust God and others
MORE with their care…Teachers,
Administration, Coaches, Other Parents, Youth leaders, Church Members,
Neighbors, Employers, and Family Members.
Will they love
and protect their hearts and minds like we do?
Will they build them up, encourage them, and help them feel safe? Will
they see potential, speak life, and give courage?
Since I can’t
keep them babies forever, this is my open letter to all key influencers in
my boys’ lives. Please, please, hear
my heart on the matter…
There are a
few things I would LOVE for you to do concerning my boys.
1. TAKE NOTICE
Please see them individually
for the incredible, awesome young men they are.
Don’t lump them in a crowd or expect them to be like everyone else. They aren’t.
Don’t ignore them, acknowledge them.
Wherever they
are, they draw a crowd… their peers take notice, will YOU?
Trey is a quiet, passionate
boy… He is loud in small groups, yet quiet in crowds. He loves deeply and cares more than he lets
on. He is competitive and aggressive when
it comes to sports and life. He is
funny, creative, an amazing artist, and a deep thinker. He has a strong will, yet a tender
heart. He is a ball full of energy… hiding
secretly inside a quiet young man. He
is passionate about God and sports. He has
great influence, yet chooses to lead in a quiet way. He loves the Colts, Pacers, and all things
basketball. He is an amazing young man
of God.
Gavyn is my first born. He is my fearless, bold, radical! He is passionate about everything… especially
God. He loves to worship Him in
song. I remember when the boys were in
elementary school waiting for them to come home from school. No matter what I was doing, I could hear them
coming a block away…Gavyn loved to serenade the neighborhood loudly on his walk
home.
Gavyn is
tenderhearted, giving, sensitive to the needs of others, encouraging, and a
natural born leader. He loves deeply and
gives everything his all. He has strong
convictions and solid character. He is creative, humble, and has a servant’s
heart.
He has a
care-free spirit and easy going kind of personality. He loves to read, go backpacking, fish, play football,
and basketball. He is an amazing young man of God.
When you take
time to NOTICE them, you see there is more than meets the eye. They may blend in with the crowd at times, but
they stand out with me. I am blessed to
be their momma!
2. BUILD THEM UP
Even though they
“look” like MEN, my boys are still impressionable. They are young men in the making. Their self-esteems are being shaped and formed
by those around them… one of those people being YOU.
Will you…
Be positive
They hear enough
bad stuff all around them…Whether it’s from the news, people saying negative
comments or from their own inner thoughts.
Will you look for the good in them and share it? Even if they have done a million things
“wrong”, will you find that one good thing they did “right” to encourage
them with?
“Negativity deflates the
spirit, life giving words ignite it.”
Will you speak
life-giving words to my boys?
Will you make
an effort to help BUILD their self-esteem (along with me) instead of tear it
down? It’s fragile, delicate, a work in progress.
Give
courage
The
world is full of nay-sayers… coming up with all kinds of reasons why we CAN’T
do things. I want my boys to dream big
and be confident that with God all things are possible.
Please
don’t squash their dreams. Help give their
dreams wings enabling my boys to believe God for impossible things trusting Him
with the outcome.
Will
you give them courage? Will you build
them up and help them dream big?
3. LEAD WELL
As a key
influencer in my boys’ lives, please set a good example and lead well. They are watching, listening, and learning
from your leadership.
They are
following you… as a leader.
I
Corinthians 11:1 says… “Follow me as
I follow Christ”
If they are
following you, I have a question for you.
Where are you leading them? I hope
to become more like Christ… in words, attitude, and behavior.
Whether we like
it or not… when it comes to being a good example things are “caught” more than
“taught”. Meaning… those watching our
example follow more what we “do” rather than what we “say”. They should both be the same, right? But many of us say one thing and do
another.
With that in
mind, please model a godly life to my boys.
Be a person of character, be honest, have integrity, be respectful,
unselfish, and giving. Give grace, speak
life giving words, forgive others, and have self-control.
I’m not asking
for perfection, just hearts in pursuit of God.
As we strive to know Him more each day, He will help us become a better
reflection of Himself to others.
A
Special Note to…
Sports
Coaches- Please teach
my boys that winning isn’t everything!
In life, they won’t always win.
It’s how they respond when they lose that makes all the difference. Teach them to have the right attitude either
way. Help them understand the power of
working together as a team… being a family and caring for each other. We are better together! Please look for the good they are doing (and
compliment them) MORE than pointing out the bad. They are motivated MORE by encouraging
words than discouraging.
Teachers-
Please help my boys love your class and the subject you teach. Make it fun and memorable. Get to know my boys personally and they will
respond better to your leading. Don’t
just teach them information, help them experience it. Help them love to learn.
Church
Leaders – Please be
people of integrity. Do what you say you
will do and be who you say that you are.
My boys and others are watching.
Model a godly life for them.
Chase after Jesus and help my boys catch the fire of God from you. Create opportunities for my boys not to just
learn ABOUT God, but to experience Him personally. Pray for them, speak wisdom into their
lives, and be Jesus with skin on for them to see.
These are simple
words from a mom’s heart. They are
motivated and inspired from my desire to not just raise good boys; but godly
young men. Will you help me?
For other parents
reading this and “amen-ing” everything...
WE are key influencers as well.
People are watching, listening, and learning as we live our lives before
them. May we be the kind of people that
take notice, build up, and lead well.
With God’s
help, this parenting thing is possible and oh, so rewarding!
Living to leave a
legacy,
Julie
